Singlism is a word i just learned about. You'd think i would have known i'm part of a movement. A belief system. A stigma. And a way of life. But i didn't. I hadn't a clue.
So what is it?
It's simply being singled out, or discriminated against or treated oddly, poorly for being single. Singlism is the thought that women (men) are miserable, lonely, and all that negative stuff.
I've always loved being single. I've also always realized that i needed to keep it to myself. Only recently has it become clear that well, i'm hitting that age where child bearing is not much of an issue, and even my mother is starting to lessen the onslaught of that pressure. So shouting this now isn't as "terrible" as it would be at 25. Or 30. Sure its a foregone conclusion now, she can't have children, so its ok to be single.
Hopefully, the more i learn about it the more i'll write about it. I've got alot of catching up to do.
But here is lesson #1 for you regarding a single person.
We are not lonely. We are not delusional. There is absolutely nothing wrong with us. We are happy and content being single. And no matter how hard you try to convince us otherwise it just won't help or change this choice we are making in life. We are not miserable. The opposite in fact. And we are not self-centered. Though i have to admit that i've been called that many times. And have admittedly agreed. I am rethinking this too.
Well think about it? If i had to be labeled something I would rather accept begrudgingly the "self-centered" moniker thrown at me rather than any others. Plus its hard to agree to being miserable when i'm always laughing. Read this blog entry from a couple years ago HERE.
The point is i was trying to control the experience. I guess. Let the pyschologists figure that one out.
But here is why i'm starting to rethink this moniker. I have more patience and understanding than 90% of the people i meet. More empathy and more giving than most too. I never say no to someone or something in need. Truly in need. (Not the "friend" that has called on me for the umpteenth time to help them out while i've learned to call them and well... i'm still waiting for that help.) I devote my time to many animal causes and if anyone is in need i'm there. Yes, i live my life exactly as I please, but I also work extremely hard for this. I have over 30 animals on this farm. And as my mother aptly puts it at least once a month. "You'd be wealthy and living large if you didn't have so many animals." Translation? you'd have a nice car, condo on the beach, probably a man to boot! Naw, Really?
I made the decision a long time ago to stay single. Mostly from what i experienced in the BF dept. And don't get me wrong. I'm not a bitter jilted blah, blah, blah... I've had some awesome, tantalizing, off the charts, fly me to the moon relationships. That i've ended because it obviously just wasn't for me. Some day i'll blog about them.
Part of it though i bet is my genetic makeup. I bet I was born like this. And hence, now thinking hmmm, maybe this is one of the reasons I was put here on this journey.
So here's the rub. I would rather be surrounded by all the animals. Living my life as simply as possible. And forego the HOT car. and the condo on the beach. and oh no! dare i say it? THE MAN. Because there is nothing more i could possibly do with my life that is more UN self-centered than devoting my life to caring for these wonderful creatures, that it seems no one else wants. (And no i'm not replacing one thing for another for anyone out there thinking, hmm if she only had a man and child she wouldn't need all these animals.) I've got the nurting gene and i CHOOSE to put it to other uses than the mainstream.
AND DARE I SAY IT!
Also, By staying single, i'm NOT polluting the world with one more unwanted child. (Which btw, if there isn't a better reason one has other than taking care of you in your old age is an act i believe as the most self-centered of all time). Or giant wasteful wedding. By not spending fortunes on big vacations. By NOT taking up space in the court system with one more divorce case. By NOT living my life larger than what i can personally consume and afford. By paying more than my fair share on Taxes,(things i don't utilize like the public school system). Which by the way always irks me that I pay the same as the family of six does next door for things like garbage removal.
And most importantly, by NOT wasting my life's energy on something that is a fallacy. The more i'm thinking about it the more i'm concluding i"m not any more self-centered than you.
And there you have it. My first of possibly many posts on being single. For me.