Lost TIME

Desdemona letting the 2019 kids eat from her bowl.
Not every dam would be so kind.

Time it seems... has gotten away from me. It's been over a year since I've posted a blog post. And before that it's been sporadic at best. 1 year at 4 months nothing between 2018 and 2019. I recount why below..

It's more then likely because not much has gone right. No one wants to hear about the bad stuff... 

Some years are like that. 

But, for me to realize, i've not posted in over a year is crazy. 

Here is a quick or not so quick timeline of life. 

In 2018, I had a part time job that made things worse not better in terms of what I was trying to do with it. That snowballed into, I need to get a full time job to make ends meet better. I was trying to supplement income to save money to do needed repairs around the farm.  This homestead is 20 years old.  (but that didn't pan out with the lack of hourly wage promised). The part time job just became too timely. And the full time job became too caustic. 

The full time job lasted till September of 2019,  and i was relieved it was over. Sad, but relieved. It was a learning year. And i learned a lot. About me. About others. Before this job, it had been almost 18 years working in another office setting. I walked away learning a great deal. But no better off. Both jobs left me worse then when I started. Things were not going well.

Then came another seasonal job for the livestock shows at the fair grounds which lasted till mid January 2020. Huge endeavor. I was proud of the work... and again, great learning experience, on how an entire livestock calendar for 2 weeks is created, staged, implemented. Aside from the politics, it was so interesting. I woke up every morning excited to go to work.  But, it was seasonal only and it was over. Just in time for the pandemic to start. 

In between all this - I started a book design project and 200 pages later and 1 year, still working on it. It was put on hold for months with the height of pandemic lockdown. 

Because of the working outside the farm, there was not much milk in 2018 and 2019. I tried. But just wasn't in the cards. I had 4 of my seniors die that year. I was deflated and defeated. My fault for keeping so many of the same age first fresheners. 2 died mysteriously. 2 died of old age and parasite related reasons. And time was not on my side. It's difficult to be gone all day and then tend farm at night. 

It was the first time in 17 years of milking that i dried the girls off earlier then 305 days, and i went once a day till July 2019,  and then just realized, I can't do it all. In that time, I tried to get a buckling from a friend up North, who also died early in his development. And realized again, I can't do it all alone, and work full time. 

2020 rolls in and Covid -19 takes over. Lets just start out with the worst of it.... I got the virus in late February. I still have issues from it, today. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say, you don't want this. I am what they call a 'long hauler'.. And, it's a corona coaster of symptoms and pains, and illness. I'm just not well. And its migrated around my body for months. 

Because of being so ill - I dried the girls off in April 2020. I just couldn't do it. First time, and they were not happy. I was not happy. Back then was a blur... Actually, from April to today was a blur. One giant sleep fest, sickness and pain. 

I buried "Iggy the piggy" he was 17 years old. I buried Thatcher he was 11. Both blurs and both devastating. Thatcher had a tumor growth near his anus, and within weeks of seeing it, he had died. May was a terrible month for me. I couldn't even dig the hole, I was so sick. I remember that. Feeling guilty, I couldn't even dig a hole.

In August, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. And my A1c was 11.8. which is crazy high. Blood sugar was 570 range. And i was heading to the hospital.  Scared at the thought of spending any time in a hospital full of Covid patients, worried I would be re-infected. I dug in, and changed everything. Lost 15 lbs. Took Metformin, and ate a low carb. low histamine. low calorie ... And by November,  my A1c was back to normal. 5.4 and BS was 134. I'm off the meds, but not out of these woods. I guess I never will be. 

Feeling a bit better, I was offered a buck and jumped at the chance of new bloodlines and a new start.... Charles my new buck came to stay, he's one gorgeous boy. He was here about a week before he jumped the fence and bred all the goats. Christmas week, we kidded.  I have 5 gorgeous kids (4 does. 1 buck). I'm milking 3 healthy goats. Not the numbers of what I normally milk (between 8 and 11 goats), but, enough for the time being, and my lack of energy, still with issues from the virus. And once a day. I'm not making cheese or soap at the moment. But preparing for it soon. 

My life is in dis-order. The house. The farm. All in disorder and its going to take some time to come back from all this. If, I can come back from all this. The pandemic. The lockdown. The lack of income. The deaths. My farm business. My health. I'm trying is all i can say about it. 

Which leads me to friends. If it wasn't for them - various times this year of helping out, I don't know what i would have done without them. Bringing food. Supplies. Getting me hay. Helping me kid. The list of things are just so enormous.  I can't even begin to say how thankful for them. 

So, that leads me up till today. The purpose of this blog (in the beginning) was to document my life journey with the goats. Up until the 2019 time frame, I had been so diligent with this goal.  

Hopefully, this will be a turning point for me. Wish us luck. I hope that time is on my side in 2021.